


John & Jade Discuss Air Bud

by Classpectanon



Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [52]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Seinfeldian Conversations, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29624973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: "Becquerel likes to teleport into nuclear silos so he can eat their uranium."John did not have the available liquid to do a spit take, so instead they just blew a raspberry of disbelief instead. "He what?" John asked, eyes nearly bulging out of their head.52/365
Relationships: John Egbert & Jade Harley
Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [52]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	John & Jade Discuss Air Bud

"See, this is my question - you have a teleporting dog and somehow the government isn't aware of him? That seems a little silly! Doesn't he release, like, doggy particles every time he jumps around?" John asked, trying and failing repeatedly to pet the gigantic hellbeast currently teleporting around John's bedroom. It wasn't like they were trying to be mean to Becquerel, either - he was an incredibly fluffy looking dog, and John wanted very little else but to run their hands through Becquerel's fur and maybe give him a tummy rub. As for why Becquerel was in a Washington suburb? Well, he followed Jade - followed her plane, really - and now he was here. Simple enough. "You would expect this is, like, a thing people would notice, right?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely! Grandpa and I've totally been visited by feds before." Jade chirped, beaming at John as Becquerel repeatedly teleported out of their grasp and into Jade's lap, and then back onto John's pillows whenever the other teen moved away from them. Then, turning around, trying to get a hand on Becquerel so it could be known to the hellbeast just how much of a good boy he was, only to have him vanish from beneath John's fingers. "Becquerel likes to teleport into nuclear silos so he can eat their uranium."

John did not have the available liquid to do a spit take, so instead they just blew a raspberry of disbelief instead. "He _what_?" John asked, eyes nearly bulging out of their head.

Jade did not seem at all fazed by the objectively absurd thing she just went and did go say with her mouth. She repeated it and then looked at John as if they were the weird one for finding it strange. "He likes to teleport into nuclear silos so he can eat their uranium, sometimes. There's not a lot of it on the island so he takes what he can get!"

John immediately backed away from Becquerel, into the nearest corner of their bed, no longer wanting to pet him. "Is he, like, radioactive? Ahh!" John asked, only to be interrupted by a suddenly-friendly Becquerel poking his snout into John's lap. Tentatively, John reached out, slowly putting a hand through Becquerel's fur, and then remembered that he might be radioactive, and immediately retracted.

Just as immediately, Becquerel began growling. "Oh, no, I actually tested with a Geiger counter! His flesh is perfectly shielded from emitting any radiation from the interior." She said, tilting her head at John and grinning. Slowly, obviously scared of the pooch, John began mussing the hair on Becquerel's head, scritching him behind the ears until his tongue lolled out of his mouth, glowing green and drooling normal-looking saliva into John's lap. Ugh. They just got new shorts, too!

"That's what I mean, don't you think some men in black sort of dude might want to know how to make, I-D-K, perfect radiation shielding out of helldog flesh or something?" John asked, now happily and lazily running their hands through Becquerel's fur, back and forth, up and down, rubbing big big circles on the loose skin. Becquerel rolled over almost immediately onto his back, big Samoyed-like fluffiness itching at the skin of John's barely exposed tummy while John reached out and gave him a good couple belly rubs. Who's a good puppy? Becquerel is, of course, except when he eats nuclear missiles or some shit apparently.

"They absolutely tried! Becquerel teleported all the agents to a lagrange point and then back before they could choke so they stopped trying, and now they mostly leave us alone!" Jade answered, with a chipper grin, walking over from the computer chair and flopping onto John's bed so she could give Becquerel a second pair of hands for even more vigorous belly-rubbing action. Truly, it was what he deserved.

"I don't know what a lagrange point is." John helpfully pointed out while Becquerel panted softly, tongue lolling out onto John's pants directly now.

"Oh, that's okay. Neither did they!" Jade replied, laughing, face lit up like the sun.

"Do you think Becquerel is smart enough to play basketball? Like Air Bud?" John asked. Almost immediately, Becquerel vanished underneath them, and then re-appeared a moment later with a basketball. "Oh, guess so."

"Maybe! Where'd you get that from, boy?" Jade asked, watching carefully as Becquerel proceeded to bonk the basketball into John's face with his nose.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/classpectanon)


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